Apríl made by covid
Příběhy z Texasu
18. 3. 2020
Tureckem na kole
6. 2. 2021
Přichází polovina března dva tisíce dvacet a v Čechách kulminuje první vlna korona-virové pandemie. Uprostřed panujícího společenského zmatku se blížil termín (prvního dubna) mého nástupu do nové práce a já lehce propadal depresi při pomyšlení, že zbývající volno strávím zavřený v karanténě místo lyžování na Šumavě. Tři týdny díky dětem a zahradě utekly jak voda, ale vzhledem k úplné sociální izolaci bych dal, nevím co, za kontakt s dospělou osobou.
Vybavuji si, jakým svátkem se staly jednou za týden návštěvy Tesca v šest hodin ráno. Potkat cizí dospělé lidi a někdy dokonce na kase prohodit pár slov s živou pokladní, ve mně vzbuzovalo neočekávané pocity nadšení a radosti. Ženy v rouškách mi připadaly jako Šeherezády. Díky zakrytým ústům se oči staly hlavním znakem vzájemných sympatií. Začínal jsem chápat seznamování v arabském světě.
Víkend před nástupem do práce jedu na kole předat děti bývalé manželce a posteskávám si, jakou mám chuť na točené pivo. K mému překvapení mi sděluje, že v hospodě na Boleváku (rybník v Plzni) prodávají točené z okénka. Cesta domů dostala okamžitě nový rozměr. Byl krásný jarní den, sluníčko hřálo, teploměr ve stínu ukazoval dvacet stupňů a já cítil v puse hořkou chuť točené dvanáctky. Abych si ji zasloužil, natáhnul jsem vyjížďku na hodinu a půl v přilehlých městských lesích.
Zástupy lidí chodících kolem plzeňských rybníků mě udivovaly (tolik lidí venku v přírodě), ale fronta u okénka na pivo mně vyrazila dech. Takhle by si asi připadal Robinson Crusoe při vylodění armády na jeho ostrově. Ještě jsem nesesednul z kola, a už na mě mávaly dvě skupinky kamarádů stojící kousek od okénka s pivem. Jednu tvořila dvojice a druhou čtveřice cyklistů. Tou dobou nařízení povolovalo mimo rodinu maximálně dva lidi – logicky tedy čtveřice byla v rodinném spojení.
Stoupám si chytře mezi ně, abych se mohl bavit se všemi. Stáli jsme vzorně více jak dva metry od sebe a roušku sundali jen při pití piva. Teplo, sluníčko a hlavně sociální kontakt pomohly k naplnění českého přísloví: „Jdu na jedno“. U třetího piva se rozestupy mírně zmenšily a rouška zůstala více méně dole, neboť se pilo pořád.
V půl šesté, to už tam stála jen dvojice kamarádů, se začínalo smrákat. Vyrážím (kolo samozřejmě vedu) směr domov. Naneštěstí cestou míjím dům, kde bydlí čtveřice kamarádů, kteří odjeli půl hodiny přede mnou. Stojí u garáže dva metry od sebe, pijí pivo a užívají si rozjetý večer. Bez váhání se k nim přidávám.
Někdy kolem osmé, dvě hodiny po západu slunce, padá teplota k pěti stupňům. Začínám pociťovat zimu – ani domácí slivovice nepomáhá. Je na čase vyrazit. Cesta domů vede čistě lesem, kde cítím přízemní mrazík. Kraťasy na kolo a krátký dres s vestou mě příliš nezahřejí. Hlavou mi běží výčitka: „Troubo, poctivě držíš karanténu a pak pár dní před nástupem do práce nastydneš jak truhlík.“ Tou dobou nezáleželo, jakou virózou člověk trpěl. Každé zakašlání, kýchnutí se rovnalo kovid pozitivní.
Domů dorážím zmrzlý jak „sobolí hovno“. Ráno se výčitky ještě prohlubují, ale přistupuji k tomu pragmaticky – vytahuji inhalátor, vincentku a preventivně se kurýruji. Den před nástupem již cítím, že jsem to ustál ve zdraví a pociťuji úlevu nad celou situací. Večer během tréninku na trenažeru mi přichází na telefon zpráva od kamaráda, při které jsem málem spadnul z kola: „ Petře, volal mi David (nadřízený mého šéfa), že tě někdo viděl s partou na kole u piva…? Trošku ho překvapilo, že nastupuješ do práce a porušuješ základní doporučení…Řekl jsem mu, že to byl omyl a někdo tě práskl, neb tomu nevěřím. Martin.“
Okamžitě mi stoupla tepovka na dvě stě a ztěžkly nohy. Horečnatě přemýšlím co s tím. „Kdo mě viděl a prásknul? Co mohl vlastně vidět tak špatného? Jak to mohou vnímat v nové práci? Jak na to reagovat?“ Milióny otázek běžící hlavou se mísily s pocitem vzteku a znechucení, kdo si dal tu práci a zavolal mému ob šéfovi den před nástupem. „Jaké „svi..“ za to stálo, mě takhle naprášit?“
Po prvním šoku začínám uvažovat racionálně – jak z této situace ven? Zkouším volat Martinovi, abych se od něj dozvěděl více, ale nebere mi telefon- to nepomáhá, ale úplně mě to nemrzí, protože se stydím, že musím takovou situaci vůbec řešit. „Proč jsem na to pivo sakra jezdil?“ Sžírají mě výčitky, pocity zoufalství a vzteku. Ještě před měsícem by to bylo úplně jedno, ale kovid zcela změnil myšlení společnosti. Udělal z nás udavače a ustrašená stvoření bojící se o budoucnost.
Volám kamarádovi právníkovi, abych se poradil. Vymýšlíme pravdivou verzi, která bude odpovídat vládním nařízením. Po hodině slovíčkaření máme úplnou historku, která by obstála i u soudu. Po jejím třetím zopakování nabývám naprostého klidu, neboť zjišťuji, že jsem vlastně neudělal nic proti zavedeným opatřením. S uklidněním však přichází o to větší vztek na udavačského anonyma. Přesto se děsím zítřka, abych vůbec nastoupil.
Dopoledne přicházím do kanceláře k podpisu pracovní smlouvy, kde na mě čeká můj přímý nadřízený. S úsměvem se ptá, jak se mám. Tvářím se ustaraně a s hlubokou výčitkou mu začínám líčit svůj příběh, aby se ho dozvěděl raději ode mě než od někoho jiného. Nechápe, o čem mluvím a selským rozumem nad mým problémem mávne rukou – spadl mi obrovský kámen ze srdce.
Po chvilce mně zvoní telefon. Na displeji vidím, že volá Martin – čeká mě další těžká chvilka. Cítím se trapně. Zaručil se za mě a já přitom na tom pivu byl. Na druhou stranu karanténní opatření jsem dodržel tak co? Zvedám telefon a okamžitě začínám s vysvětlováním. Na druhé straně je chvilku ticho a najednou slyším hurónský smích: „Apríl.“ Nic nechápu. „Cože!“ Nevěřícně křičím do telefonu.
Za okamžik se uklidním a zjišťuji, jak to celé vymyslel – nebyl v tom sám. V sobotu, ráno po „flámu“, jsem mluvil s naším společným kamarádem Lubošem a vyprávěl mu svoji příhodu. Údajně, „bez postranních úmyslů“, se zmínil Martinovi, který se chopil příležitosti. Ani ve snu mě nenapadlo, že by to mohlo být nahrané. Dostali mě se vším všudy.
Naštěstí teď jsem na tahu já. Těšte se!
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